Who ate my carrots?

Communal refrigerators are like anonymous Internet comments: some people do bad things when they think they can't be implicated. I keep a bag of baby carrots and a container of hummus in the company refrigerator when the need for a 10 a.m. snack arises (I wake up early and so get hungry early, but 10 a.m. feels too early for lunch), and a carton of almond milk to accompany my breakfast cereal.

First, a coworker alerted me when she saw an admin mooch off my almond milk for her morning oatmeal. I felt violated. So, I moved my carton of almond milk into a coworker’s mini fridge, which worked great for a few days. But then I got busy and didn’t have time for the 20-minute pleasantries that must necessarily precede each visit to said mini fridge, and so had to find alternative options for breakfast that didn’t require milk. Eventually, I gave up and moved my carton of almond milk, with some resignation, back to the communal refrigerator to be shared with all at Corporate.

But then I started noticing that my baby carrots were disappearing faster than I was eating them from the bag, which often was rewrapped untidily by the culprit (not very sneaky!). And one day I found that the moocher only left me with a sad tablespoon of hummus from a container that was at least one-third full the last time I opened it. I suppose emptying the container would be too mean?

iMessages with my brother regarding a family trait