Decisions, decisions

Sunrise at Ocean City

One of the most gratifying things about being a gainfully employed adult is being able to make your own decisions. Yet the things that can cause the most anxiety are some of these same decisions. If you’re miserable at work but think it might get better (when?), do you want to try to wait it out and see what happens, or plan your escape? What is your escape plan? Can you see a future with your significant other? Does he see a future with you? How long do you wait to see if this “together” future ever comes into existence? You realize you and your dear friend are drifting apart, partly because you’re both going through rough patches in life but she dismisses the severity of your present distresses. How do you approach that situation? Is it better to say nothing at all and hope the resentment will dissolve in future happier times?

With age, these decisions become more serious, the responsibilities greater, and the stakes higher. Wanting to make the most prudent decisions for your desired career trajectory. Not wanting your significant other to become the “one that got away.” Treading that delicate balance with your nearest and dearest. It’s like that psychology study that showed that people are happier with the choices they make if there were fewer options to choose from to begin with. With choices abound, how do we know we made the very best decision that will give rise to the best outcome?

These decisions are rarely so black-and-white if you’re entrenched in these situations. People who claim all the wisdom in the world to tell you the right way to live your life are, frankly, delusional and clearly have an inflated opinion of their own judgment. There often is no way to know a priori if something is absolutely the right decision to make, and no one’s judgment is infallible.

Counting down

I never take selfies but I couldn't resist this adorable Snapchat filter!

2 weeks + 1 day until I finish my journey here in Charlottesville and move on to some exciting new things.

In the meantime, I’m trying to subsist entirely on food I already have in the freezer and cupboards so I can reduce the amount of stuff I’ll necessarily have to move back to Northern Virginia with me.

I’m looking forward to the day I don’t have to hear my downstairs neighbors (the ones with the crying dogs) slam their front door shut several times a day.

My bedroom mirror lies to me. I left it leaning against a couch for too long and now it’s convex (the most unflattering of mirror configurations). As a result, the mirror adds 7 pounds to my frame and I’m never quittttte sure what I look like when I leave the apartment. After many months wearing leggings on the daily (#studentlife), I will need to return to the days of wearing proper bottoms.

Why are potential subleasers so rude? A girl I corresponded with for a few days asked for more photos of my apartment, and then requested an in-person visit at a time of her choosing and then completely stood me up without explanation!

Living alone is so underrated. I’m going to miss these quiet weekends and evenings ...

Miss independent

Baby Jane

One of my professors noted earlier this semester that one of the wonders of parenthood is watching your children blossom. She said that if you allow your kids to chart their own destiny, they can develop themselves personally and professionally in brilliant ways that you could never have imagined or planned for them. So, if you force a particular path on them, you will never experience that kind of surprising wonder for yourself. Psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg argued the same for children’s intellectual and moral development:

“If you want your kids to learn about the physical world, let them play with cups and water; don’t lecture them about the conservation of volume. And if you want your kids to learn about the social world, let them play with other kids and resolve disputes; don’t lecture them about the Ten Commandments. And, for heaven’s sake, don’t force them to obey God or their teachers or you. That will only freeze them at the conventional level [which comprise the fourth and fifth of a six-stage progression of children’s reasoning about the social world].” (The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt, p. 10).

One would hope that once you have raised a child to a certain age that you would have faith that all the lessons you, society, and years of schooling and life experiences have instilled in them will take root, and that they could theoretically navigate life independently without requiring too much intervention unless, of course, there is a real threat of imminent harm or danger.

If only that were the case for me.

Nurturing friendships

My college roommates and me in Reston Town Center, April 2013

The authors of NutureShock write that the best predictor of how loving a child will be to his future sibling is how well he treats his best friend. That is because unlike family – with whom you are bound for life, willingly or not – friends can and likely will abandon you if you treat them poorly, whereas siblings can eschew manners and sensitivity to one’s feelings with reckless abandon. Having and nurturing satisfying non-familial friendships and relationships is a fundamental priority for so many people as social beings. Even more, having and cultivating healthy, meaningful relationships – especially outside your immediate family – is a sign of emotional maturity.

Through all the challenges inherent to being a yuppie and specific for my life circumstances in particular, I realized that the most true and worthwhile friendships are those in which each party gains mutual benefit, and walks away from these interactions – no matter how infrequently these encounters are, if the friendships are long-distance – feeling even better about themselves than when they had entered. These are friends who will add you to their nightly prayers if you’re having a particularly hard time in life, will listen to you without judgment if you’re facing a difficult dilemma about your significant other, or attend to your stream of consciousness as you describe how you’ve found yourself in a career funk. These are not the people who will exploit your shortcomings and weaknesses, gossip about you, or manipulate every opportunity to show how mightily superior they are to you. After all, those most likely to gossip about or diminish their friends’ legitimate achievements are the most insecure.

I’m lucky to have five of six very close friends who embrace me for who I am, and who I can confide in. Between working full-time, dabbling in school, and having a long daily commute, there is limited free time to spend with people, so why spend it among those who are undeserving of your friendship?

Snapchats Lately

Things will be pretty busy for the next six weeks or so, which means posts will be a little sparse for a while, but here are some of my recent Snapchats to tide you over until my next post :)

Easter selfie

This research paper has got me like ...

GORGEOUS view of the Rotunda during a cloudless sunset

"Pomp and Circumstance" was playing as I walked to class this morning :)