Miss independent

Baby Jane

One of my professors noted earlier this semester that one of the wonders of parenthood is watching your children blossom. She said that if you allow your kids to chart their own destiny, they can develop themselves personally and professionally in brilliant ways that you could never have imagined or planned for them. So, if you force a particular path on them, you will never experience that kind of surprising wonder for yourself. Psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg argued the same for children’s intellectual and moral development:

“If you want your kids to learn about the physical world, let them play with cups and water; don’t lecture them about the conservation of volume. And if you want your kids to learn about the social world, let them play with other kids and resolve disputes; don’t lecture them about the Ten Commandments. And, for heaven’s sake, don’t force them to obey God or their teachers or you. That will only freeze them at the conventional level [which comprise the fourth and fifth of a six-stage progression of children’s reasoning about the social world].” (The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt, p. 10).

One would hope that once you have raised a child to a certain age that you would have faith that all the lessons you, society, and years of schooling and life experiences have instilled in them will take root, and that they could theoretically navigate life independently without requiring too much intervention unless, of course, there is a real threat of imminent harm or danger.

If only that were the case for me.

Where have I been? An explanation

Charleston trip with friends -- definitely a 2015 highlight

Hi there! I’ve got ‘splaining to do, don’t I? If you are a long-time follower of this blog, I am sorry to have let the posts wane. I didn’t post very much in 2015 because it was a challenging year for me. It was an unexpectedly important and defining year in my life because I had to make some hard but important decisions, and there were very few feelings and experiences I wanted to commit to long-term memory. The past year has been a big transition year for me, and I myself did not know what life would be like just three or even one month ahead.

I’ve written regularly for the past 6 or so years, but very few of my pieces are ever finished and fewer still are ever published on this blog. I write when I’m full of feeling, attempting to capture a memory, or to help myself think through all-consuming issues. I don't often finish any particular entry because I don’t always have a distinct beginning or conclusion – which makes sense because if I’m writing for myself I don’t need to provide expository content, and oftentimes I don’t have a conclusion because I haven’t figured everything out yet. And then, of course, is the question: How much of this do I really want to remember or revisit if it is so emotionally taxing to live through in the moment?

I survived 2015 and I am proud of the way I composed myself, but I would never want to relive it. I have come a long way but have a quite a ways to travel still.

Will you follow along with me?

Leap of faith

When taking the plunge and signing a job offer, one would always hope for the same things that anchor us, in a good way, to what will likely be a years-long commitment.

Hope that your sense of self-worth won’t be to beaten down too frequently (or too violently) if you are genuinely putting forth your best effort.

Hope that you meet a nice friend or two. That your coworkers and others you interact with day-to-day will accept and welcome you into their circle, and help you gain a sense of community that make that 40-plus hours a week go by pleasantly.

Hope that your day-to-day responsibilities are sufficiently gratifying to encourage you to work diligently for the sake of it.

Hope that it will lead you down a career path that will provide the same sense of personal and professional fulfillment throughout your working years.

It all boils down to the same: the hope that you’ll be lucky enough to do something you can grow to love in an environment among people who bring out the best possible you.

Chilly sunrise at Ocean City (July 2013)